WPCP 012: The BEST Advice I've Ever Received and How Not To Be An AssHat
I have to start the show notes out with something that has become glaringly apparent to me and yes, I know it seems obvious, but there is such a difference between “getting something” and “understanding something”.
The more I write and engage the easier it gets.
I can’t seem to write a post that is less than 1000 words!
Whaaaaat? (this is one of my favorite new sayings, which I stole from Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson in the movie “The Internship”, which isn’t an academy award winning movie but was a fun, enjoyable afternoon at the movies with my son).
I’m not even kind of complaining… I’m having a ball!
BUT...
bom bom bom…. of course now I start seeing posts about how shorter posts are better (think post formats, which if you’re not sure what they are I’ve got a post and video coming soon), and how single author blogs are dead. REALLY? Oy vey. I don’t think so.
There will always be trends, “new fangled fancy pants” ways of doing things but at the end of the day providing quality content will always work. Period. End of story. Full stop.
(can’t believe I used the statement ‘new fangled’…)
By the comments I’m receiving on these lengthy posts I’m not too worried. I’m receiving more comments than I ever have before and am building some amazing new relationships! So do yourself a favor… go ahead and read the latest and greatest news about what’s working online, take it all and and then see what sticks! Think of it like panning for gold (I’ve actually done this! My parents live about an hour east of the Sierra Mountains, so we’ve actually panned for gold in ‘them thar hills’… what is up with my lingo today?).
When you pan for gold you scoop a bunch of of ‘stuff’ out of the river, but then you clear through all the crap to find the gold. You may only find a tiny nugget, but that tiny nugget is worth far more than a HUGE bucket of pebbles, rocks and sand (or whatever else you may find in the river).
The Best Advice I’ve Ever Received
Kind of a bold claim, I know.
Of course when I had this ‘nudge’ to share this as the best advice I’ve ever received it felt like “BAM!” That’s powerful! Now as I write this I’m thinking, “hmm… is this the BEST advice I’ve ever received?” Aah… my sidekick, the ‘overthinker’ has shown up. I’ll push my sidekick aside and leave this as is, because no matter what you’re doing, what area of your life you apply this to, it’s going to pay off. I live by the saying that “you don’t regret the things you do, you only regret the things you don’t do.”
The best advice I ever received was actually in reference to my past relationship (promise I won’t go all Dr. Phil on you here, not how I roll. Wayne Dyer yes, Dr. Phil, no). It was in the first couple of months of the relationship (you know, the ‘honeymoon’ phase) and I was on cloud 9. I was talking to my therapist about it (well, giggling like a school girl is more like it) and here’s what she said to me:
“Go ALL in Kim!”
There was more to the conversation than that, but the overall message was give it all you’ve got. If it doesn’t work out you can at least look back and know you gave it everything and savored every moment.
Of course she was right.
It didn’t end the way I had hoped it would, but I have no regrets. 90 percent of the time it was great. And like most things that end (relationships, friendships, businesses…whatever), I can see now that there is no way I could have spent my life with him, but I know without a doubt that I went ALL in!
This is a question you need to ask yourself about your business.
Are you going ‘ALL’ in or are you playing at your business?
How to determine if you’re ALL in
Here’s the thing.
This is going to look different for each person, so there isn’t really a system or task list that will help you determine if you’re going all in. You’re the only one who can determine that. But YOU know on a gut level if you’re going “ALL in” or if you’re keeping yourself busy with tasks.
I was the QUEEN of busy.
For me this came down to putting MY work out there (courses, sites, media, etc.) and really stepping up and engaging. Owning what I know.
If you feel like you tend to hide or play it safe, you’re not going ALL in
If you find you’re constantly making excuses why you don’t have time, then you’re not going ALL in
]If your income isn’t where you want it to be, then you’re not going ALL in (listen to the show to get more insight on this one)
If you NEVER feel uncomfortable, they you’re not going ALL in
If you’re never pushing yourself and getting lost in what you do, then you’re not going ALL in
I’m sharing this with you because the moment I realized I wasn’t going ALL in I knew it was time to make a decision. Time to step it up, get comfortable with being uncomfortable and REALLY put myself out there.
What a difference.
How Not To Be An AssHat
(image is from drawsigner.com, he created an AssHat Award.. haha! LOVE IT!)
Omg. I knew this was going to make it into a podcast the second this happened. I swear I just do NOT understand people sometimes! WHAT THE BUCKET IS WRONG WITH YOU???
This really isn’t going to be a rant… well, maybe it will. I don’t think I can make any promises on this one.
Here’s what happened.
I shared a recent post of mine on my social networks, like I normally do, which includes Google+. Later that day I was looking at my G+ account on my phone, saw some people had like the post and I accidentally plussed (+) my own post. Then later that day I see the message below (I’ve blurred out the person because I don’t need to be an AssHat too):
First, I did have a quick little explanation as to what the post was, but REALLY? Who ARE you?
Sometimes I just wish people would get a hobby. Sigh.
I honestly do not understand why people don’t choose to be kind. It’s SO simple.
The easiest way NOT to be an AssHat?
Don’t DO stuff like this!
Remember all those basic rules you were taught when you were little? Do unto others, play nice, how would you feel, etc.???
I’m not saying not to use your voice or state an opinion. Knock yourself out. But if you don’t know how to disagree with someone or share your opinion without being a douche shut your trap. It says SO much more about you than it does the person you’re criticizing.
If you see an error on someone’s site, contact them or email them… DON’T leave it as a comment. AssHat move.
If you want to disagree with something someone posted, share your views. Don’t attack them or call them names. Another AssHat move.
If you see something that has set you off… WAIT a while before responding. Do NOT respond in the heat of the moment. AssHats have no patience when ego is involved.
I think you get the jist of how ‘not’ to be an AssHat, and the truth is that I really don’t know anyone who does this type of stuff. It’s just not something I tolerate in my life.
Links mentioned in this episode
Liz Seda of A Life On Your Terms
Lorizzle.nl (Lorizzle lorem ipsum generator)
Oh my gosh – love the asshat graphic! Looking forward to listening!
haha… Thanks Carrie!
I was rolling when I found it. There were some INTERESTING images when I started searching for AssHat…
I definitely don’t write enough, but when I do, the actual length of the post is by total accident. I’m with you on that write to get your point across!
As far as pricing goes, it’s definitely tough and is something that I’m constantly changing.
Love the podcast!
Thanks Ozzy!
I think this is where post formats will be helpful… if you have a quick point you want to make using a post format may be the way to go. I’m just too chatty I think… 😉
Thanks for listening to the podcast! Would you be up for an interview? I’d love to chat with you more about pricing and think a lot of people can benefit from that conversation.
Looking forward to connecting at the meetup.
Thanks again,
Kim
yeah, post formats are good for that.
of course i’d be up for an interview! i’m down to talk about whatever!
definitely looking forward to spending some time with everyone at #wcsf! should be awesome!
Hi Ozzy,
Thanks!
Sorry for the belated reply, have been out of town! Hopefully I’ll get the venue sorted for the meetup for #WCSF this week! I’ll email you to schedule the interview!
The best advice I’ve ever received was from a good friend of mine after I was transitioning from college to the real world. I was struggling a little bit financially and he told me. “Don’t depend on money you don’t have.” For whatever reason that really stuck and I’ve been able to live within my means since then.
-Val
Thanks for sharing Val!
It always fascinates me to see what advice sticks or how we can hear the same thing at different times in our lives but for some reason it resonates one time as opposed to another.
Just out of curiosity (and I hope this isn’t too personal, money beliefs fascinate me)- has it affected how you earn at all or any other beliefs about money?
Thanks again,
Kim
I don’t mind answering at all. The notion changed the way I paid my bills. I put money away for savings and pay my bills first and foremost, then the rest was mine to play with. Also, it keeps me humble in the sense that I am aware of what I can afford. During that time, almost 8 years ago, I was struggling to make ends meet. My parents didn’t teach me much about money so I guess that advice was my saving grace.
Granted, who wouldn’t want to make more money? But at least now I live within my means.
Thanks for sharing Val!
We often repeat what we’ve been taught (or not) growing up (even if it was just through observation). I never in a million years would have thought I’d be saying this, but making more money is the easy part. What’s hard is changing the beliefs and mindset around money. What I’ve found for myself is the older I get the less ‘stuff’ I want. 😉 I still like nice things, but I won’t sacrifice the quality of my life for stuff.
Have a fantastic day!
Kim
This post is hi-larious (mispelling intended) but true! I deal with this weekly (not online yet) and it drives me crazy. My thought is that it take more energy to be unkind than kind.
Also, thanks for your podcasts and blogs because I always get a reality check (the all-in reality check).
On the best advice: This is the best advice that I have received as an adult and is beginning to ring true as I adventure into other areas. I have a friend that I consider my 2nd mother and she metioned advice that her husband always gave to their 8 children “Do not let one man hold your money”. Meaning have more than one source of income. Her statement sticks in my head as I go through this entreprenurial journey.
Thanks Regina,
(How funny is that AssHat graphic???).
As someone who has sarcasm running through her veins (moi), I still will always choose to be kind (even if in my head it’s followed by an ‘excuse you’…pet peeve rant: I’m floored how many times I say ‘excuse me’ when I walk in front of someone in a store in an aisle and I get ZERO acknowledgement!).
I LOVE LOVE LOVE “Do not let one man hold your money”.
You know I’m a huge believer in multiple streams of income (passive income). There is something SO freeing (and scary) about knowing you control your income streams.
And I’m glad you have that statement as a reminder on this journey, because it takes time and I know you’re on your way. 😉
Kim,
First of all thanks for slapping me on the wrist. I was one of those people who spoke up in a comment box. I really didn’t think I was being mean. You have a way of explaining the finer points that worked for me, without putting my panties in a wad. I didn’t realize how ridicules, and really time wasting it was. I also found that I was one of those people who wanted to be right. You touched on so many of my flaws in this podcast/show notes that I just had to humble up and say thank you.
I do use WordPress, I’m trying to use it anyway, but I am certainly not “all in” I have had a website as long as you have (January 2008) which I have done very little with, and you really have to use the “/blog” at the end to get to my content. I didn’t get WordPress though until two or three years ago. Maybe I *shouldn’t be confessing my sins here but, this year has been an eye-opener for me, I have been taking really long hard looks at the way I’ve done things most of my life, the reasons, both legitimate, and not, and making changes. Change is really hard to do. There are a lot of real reasons for my emotional baggage but I’m learning that real or not it’s baggage I don’t need, and a good post, or several, is a better forum than your comments box.. (*shouldn’t as a “disclaimer” I really loved that bit)
This year will be the year my website finally pays for itself, and I have about 5 months to do it in. Not that I have to make a lot of money at it, but it would be really nice that it doesn’t come out of my own pocket. I have to renew in March. I am using the Montezuma theme, with a child. My host site helped me with that theme. I just keep drawing a blank and changing my mind about what I want to do with it. I am impulsive, but haven’t learned how to channel it into a single goal. …Yet! I am taking some of your advice to heart, especially the morning session, content first, regardless of what I write, focused or not, I think as I write, my goal will come into focus enough for me to recognize it.
I’m also afraid of all the personal profiles every site wants me to put up, well the social sites, because they started out as personal and I am reluctant to open myself up so much. I just realized as I was writing this that my problem with social site profiles is that I need to have a single goal. I am so scattered, and so interested in way too many things.
Basically I really just wanted to thank you for being out here and sharing your hard work with the masses, and letting those of us who are trying to be better know where we are “not so nice”.
Evelyn
Hi Evelyn,
Thanks so much for the thought out response to the podcast/post. I truly appreciate it.
More than anything- just trust yourself and put one foot in front of the other every day with your blog. It sounds SO trite, but the more you write the easier it gets. And for myself, I know that the more of myself I put into my business the more my business grows (and my ‘right’ people show up, like you. 😉 ).
I SOOOO get what you mean about Change too!
I decided just a few weeks ago that I’m going to focus on making friends with Change. I’ve always loved change in the sense that I’m always up for something new or wanting to take things to the next level (whatever that looks like)- but the noise/crap in my head always pops up and when I listen to it, I get in my own way. For what it’s worth, it’s taken me a while to get here, lots of work and a very conscious choice on my part (that is probably the biggest factor of them all… simply ‘choosing’ to do things different. You don’t have to worry about the how, it will fall into place. truly!).
As far as the social sites go, just do what ‘feels’ right (ie, get out of your head… 😉 ). There are times when I’ve got a consistent presence and then there are times when I disappear. Not intentionally, but I just get busy. So I’ve accepted that this is simply a work in progress (as is everything, huh?). What’s interesting is that with the exception of my Facebook page all of my profiles are under my name – and I just announced last week that I’m launching another site under my own name/brand- KimDoyal.com, so I have to say I’m pretty grateful I trusted that nudging almost 6 years ago when I created those accounts under my name.
Thanks again SO much for sharing with me Evelyn.
Have a wonderful day,
Kim